It’s hard to find a good man nowadays.
If we take 100 single twenty-something guys, 50 of them are probably in their manwhore phase, 25 of them are commitment-phobes, 15 of them are too nice, 5 of them are gay, and almost about all of them don’t know how to even be a man.
I was with my girlfriends last night–all three of whom are strong independent women, living on their own, paying their own bills, driving their own cars. And all three of whom are dating men who still live with their parents.
Perhaps this particular reversal of roles is indicative solely of men guys in southern California–where mothers notoriously coddle their sons, fathers are increasingly absent, and performing manly duties like changing the oil fall to the hired help for $20.
Men no longer have to pay for dates, because women are taught to always offer. After all, we don’t want to assume…and men don’t know whether they should decline the offer, or accept lest they be regarded as sexist.
Men no longer have to be the provider–women provide for themselves. Instead of having men pick us up, we meet in a public mutually-decided upon place. There’s no need for men to have much career drive anymore, because women are fine supporting themselves. Dual paychecks mean they can get employment for half the salary they would need if they were the sole provider. There is no rush to get married…they have no biological clock.
Somewhere along the way–the 20-something years became a man’s playground, and it became the women’s holy-shit-i’m-almost-30-let-me-settle-for-this-guy-so-I-can-reproduce era. With age, men keep getting debonair while women just get older.
Has our drive to be successful, independent, self-sufficient women threatened a man’s identity? Do we even need a man anymore?
I love manly men. I love men who play sports, who can change a tire and who know to always decline my offer of payment on the first date (everything after the first date is fair game). I love a man who can step it up, stick up for me, take care of his responsibilities, has drive, ambitions, goals and has a plan on how to actually achieve those goals.
I want a man who is not intimidated by my independence. Treat me like the queen that I am, and I will treat you like the king that you think you are.
Do I need a man? No.
But it sure does make the journey a helluva lot more fun.
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“Somewhere along the way–the 20-something years became a man’s playground, and it became the women’s holy-shit-i’m-almost-30-let-me-settle-for-this-guy-so-I-can-reproduce era.”
Eurghhh why must this be true?
I was convinced this must just be a US thing….and then started to think about it…and you’re completely right!!! The amount of guys I know from school / uni / my teens who still live at home is crazy, yet I hardly know any girls in the same situation!! I wonder if we’ve shot ourselves in the foot with the whole being independant thing? I do think that “kids” stay kids a lot longer these days (she says having stopped off at her parents’ for breakfast before work on a Thursday morning!).
I think this is a really great point. We don’t neeeeed men, but I think that society still makes us feel like we do, you know?
And it certainly does make the journey more fun.
Hahaha so true! I hate how a lot of them are either broke, mommy’s boys, commitment phobic and so clueless in treating women. I mean goodness, they’re not taught the same values as men back in the 60′s or 70′s.
Most of my friends are married and some of them think I’m too picky when it comes to men, because I refuse to date one who still lives at home or is intimidated by my sense of independence. I guess the older one gets, the higher the bar is raised, but I consider that a good thing – it just makes finding a man a little bit harder. And I refuse to settle.
I totally agree. Here in Miami every single guy I meet in living with his parents. It’s like, at least live with roommates dude! I dunno if mom’s are just making their sons momma’s boys or what, but the whole thing is getting out of control. Where are the traditional manly men??
“Oh no she didn’t!”
Brilliant post. Totally brilliant.
PS: Notice how you were talking about “twenty-something guys?” Allow me to suggest that if you’re looking for men… try men instead of boys.
(wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!)
If you are searching for the perfect guy, prepare yourself for a lifetime of disappointment. You seem to be unfairly trying to paint a pretty black and white picture of these types of men. They’re either exactly what you’re looking for, or have some faults and aren’t good enough.
I, for example, live with my parents, but it’s not because I can’t let go, but it’s because of a specific situation that prevents me from getting my own place. Because of such, I have automatically been classified as one of the odd men out, regardless if every other characteristic fits.
We live in a world today where giving and taking is something we all have to do. Trying to settle for perfection will leave everyone alone.
I can tell you what a real man doen’t do…admit to living with his parents and then attempt to justify it.
I think you’re just living in wussville california where men are pretty and helpless. I prefer my women to be independent but also to depend on me…if that makes sense.
I prefer to pay – at least for the first 3 or 4 dates – but if you’re not at least offering I’m drawing the conclusion that you expect me to pay everytime and you want to be my suburban housewife…and that’s not my style.
It’s not just California. The men in upstate NY live with their parents into their 30′s in some cases. In NY, it’s completely acceptable to move back in with your parents after college. In OK, I didn’t have even ONE friend who moved back in with their parents even for just the summer after freshman year!
And I also firmly believe the man should pay for the first date. But, of course, I will offer.
O.G thanks for clearly stating what a real man does. & you are really a good example of a real man. Big Up to you. I am tired of grown men giving excuses for why they are still living with their parents. There is NO valid excuse.
I’m all about being on the same page. Anyone can drum up a valid reason for still living with their parents. But I don’t. I have my own place, car, and I’m working on a great education and job. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a prospective beau to be doing the same. I don’t go backwards. I dislike, however, broke chicks who want their men to be millionaires. That’s like when ugly girls call other girls unattractive. Or when people who frequent mass transit laugh at other people who drive ’96 Toyotas. Wtf is that?
Side note, I always meet up with the guy for the first few dates. Nothing to do with independence, it’s that he could totally be a stalker and stalkers should so not know where you live. Lol.
–T
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